Warning: Strong languages and rants ahead
It's been too long since I last write on this blog. Yes, the COVID-19 pandemic is still ravaging on, and somehow, we are now instructed (at least in Indonesia) to wear double mask to further protect ourselves from this disease. And since my last article, I've been stuck in a rut, unable to find any ideas to write about, until today.
I remember writing something related to romantic relationships like that one time I wrote about the Red String of Fate article or the Valentine's Day, but until recently, I have no idea that such community, the one that I'm about to dive into ever existed on the Internet, those who rejected romantic advancement because (in their mind) they are not worthy of any kind of affection. Yes, members of the Internet, I am talking about those who are call themselves "incels".
At first, I have no idea on what is "incel" supposed to mean, but after some extensive research, it actually stands for "involuntary celibate". According to Meriam-Webster, an incel is a person (usually a man) who regards himself or herself as being involuntarily celibate and typically expresses extreme resentment and hostility towards those who are sexually active. It is a term of someone who identify themselves as unable to find a romantic or sexual partner despite desiring for one. These people also have some resentment or at the extreme, hatred and malice for people who are sexually active. For them, if he can't experience any sort of an affectionate relationship, then nobody should too. Imagine yourself wanting to have a conversation with a beautiful girl, and despite all of your efforts, she ended up not interested or for some reason, repulsed by your appearance. Others might interpret this as "maybe it's me who got this all wrong, or she might have been in a relationship", and backed out, but for these incels, rejection is a taboo, and the girl must accept his advancements, even if the girl wasn't interested in you.
The history of incel itself can be traced back to 1993, when a Canadian university named Alana created a website in order to discuss her sexual inactivity with others. The website was named "Alana's Involuntary Celibacy Project", designed to welcome men and women who have the same experience as her. She eventually left the website after discovering that she was bisexual, and now is at peace with herself. At first, these communities were created for men and women to vent on their rejection due to social awkwardness, marginalization, and mental illness, but over time, especially in the 2000s, The Incel community became extremist by adopting tactics from message board sites like reddit and 4chan, where extremist posts were encouraged as a form of visibility. Hell, as of now, incel is classified as a terrorist ideology, as it promotes violence to a specific group of people (which in this case, men or women who are in some kind of a romantic relationship).
It's fairly easy to spot an incel online. Stereotypically, think of it as a guy who gives no fuck about his hygiene or his appearance, only cares about himself and his hobbies only, socially awkward, and have no efforts whatsoever to improve on either his appearance or social skills. He constantly wanting to experience at least a romantic relationship, sex is only a bonus, but a jackpot nonetheless, but literally has no idea, or even any efforts to at least learn how to converse around women without making any moves they consider as a "turn off" so to speak. He also believes that men are superior in every way, hence the sexist views on women. He is also prone to self-loathe and self-hatred whenever their romantic advancements is denied, saying along the lines of "girls only dates bad motherfuckers who like to abuse them" or "all girls are the same, they only view you as a friend". But on the flipside, his understanding of a relationship is pretty narrow for these guys. The main reason of this is because of their belief that men are entitled to sex and sex only, and romantic relationships can be formed in an instant. Everything they do, every move they've done, if it's accepted well, they should expect to get laid at that moment, or at least to expect the girl to become his girlfriend. As a normal man, I find this disturbing and to be frank, totally fucked up to say the least. Relationships like this takes time, resources, and most importantly, trust. There is no guy or girl in their right mind that would instantly date you when they only know you for a short amount of time. And this is not limited to the male gender. "Femcels", or female incels is also common on this case. Think of the same stereotypical appearance of the same but switch the gender. They have everything in common, such as they would only date really beautiful men and women, but they themselves look like an absolute train wreck without any awareness of hygiene, feeling entitled to a sexual relationship, and a TON of misogynistic and misandrist views. The only difference is femcels aren't prone to violent acts.
There are some instances of violence committed by incels that I can think of, but two of the most notable are the 2014 Isla Vista Killings in Isla Vista, California, and the Toronto Van Attack in Toronto, Ontario, Canada in 2018. I'm sorry, although I am not condoning these things, but to kill innocent people over your inability to find a romantic partner? you have to be kidding me. The first one of the two was a murder-suicide carried out by Elliot Rodger, who killed 7 (including himself) and injuring 14 others, all because of him not be able to find a romantic partner. And not only that, but he was also diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder not otherwise specified and autism spectrum disorder. Before the attacks, he already showed some indication toward the incel behavior, like when he threw coffee at a couple out of jealousy. I have to say that I know murder is the most fucked up crime ever existed, but this is beyond fucked up, he even rejected any attempt to help himself! This is what I call "screwed up since day one". Another one was done by Alek Minassian, who apparently inspired by the fucker mentioned above's crime (he is literally praised as a hero by the incel community). And what he did is also insane. Among the 26 total victims, 10 was killed while the rest is injured as a result of a vehicular attack using a van driven by Minassian himself. He was found guilty on 10 accounts of first-degree murder and 16 accounts of attempted murder by the Ontario Court of Justice.
In a nutshell, an incel is actually someone who desires to be in a romantic relationship, but for some reason (mostly self-inflicted) is not able to do so, and as a result, they developed the behavior of self-loathe, self-hate, and also hatred and resentment towards sexually active people, and could extend to outright narcissism. These behaviors could manifest itself as a sense of entitlement to sex, and they must have it. they can't take rejections properly, and often resorted to misogynistic and misandrist comments. In the most extreme case, incels are
capable of violence, all because of their own inability to socialize and in turn, develop a loving relationship. For those single guys and girls out there, remember what I have told you in the red string of fate article, that there is someone out there who loves you for who you are, you just have to find them. Don't be these guys. If your attempt for a relationship is unsuccessful, evaluate yourself. Maybe it's you, not the circumstances that you are thrown into. And to end this, stay safe, get vaccinated, wear the mask, and always two meters apart at all times.
